It Was Always a Good Time

There's a famous quote that goes:

I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

That line of thinking has always haunted me these past few years. The ever-worrisome idea that, someday, sometime in the future, you'll find yourself living in a "moment" in which you wish would never end. Until it does.

My most recent "good times" phase was just last year. For almost every single evening, I found myself on a call with my newly-rekindled friendships with people from high school.

I would spend the entire evening just playing this shooter game with them. I'd gun down rivals, heal them up when they were downed by the enemy, and offer support in times of a tense firefight. For every team we fought and won against, we howled cheers; for every loss, we kept each other's morale together. "Next game, next game" we muttered to each other. As we got our game faces on and readied up for the next match.

Even on evenings where we didn't play this shooter game, we chilled around the call and were our most genuine selves. We told each other of stories from our lives. We welcomed feedback if a friend was going through something. And we just bonded over calls like that.

Or you, know, some of our friends just played the game and streamed it for us all to watch along.

It was such a cute time. After high school, most of us thought that we've all gone our separate ways—and we have, for a few years. Especially when you consider that our current group of friends wasn't a solid friend group at the time.

But time does what time does best: pass. Even though I want to cling to these times forever, they didn't really last.

What happened last year was fun, but I, ironically, disliked it to an extent. Even though it was fun and filled with smiles, joy, and laughter. I know I didn't really belong in those times. It was a comfy place to be in, but there was always a lingering feeling that I needed to be challenged.

So I made a wish last year. I didn't care if it would be granted or not, I still made it. I wished for a meaningful struggle.

And now, here I am, struggling. As far as I can tell, it's not over. So, as much as I want to write about this current chapter and wrap it off with a bow, I can't. But a story I can wrap up with was that: what happened last year.

It's over, for the most part. Even though there are days where I spend time with my friends, it's not as often as before. We don't look forward to just playing that same shooter game over and over, for every night.

I'm in a new chapter of my life, making new memories even though I'm struggling along the way. There are new people around me now, things I'm watching that I wouldn't have watched, and new music recommendations.

These times are hard. But I know this chapter, like that other one, will end eventually. Who knows? It might end by me having a deeper sense and understanding of someone, to the point where things are just naturally easy. Or it will just dissolve. Or maybe even a third, or fourth route!

Even though chapters come and go, the main point is that I should always be happy. I'm in a unique moment where I'm with people who I have a chance to love and care for. This is a hard chapter to go through, but I'm keeping screenshots because I'm happy throughout all the pain.

I should be happy where I am now, I wished for it.

And I'm trying to take as many screenshots as I can. I know I'm in the "good old days" and I'm sure future me is looking back at these moments fondly. I'm the sentimental type so, I'm sure, he'll be looking at me right now and remembering these days when I struggled so badly. I just wish that he's in a better time.

Who am I kidding? It's always a good time, I just have to think it so.