How I Talk to Myself

Most people, as far as I've researched, have an inner voice. We all talk to ourselves in some way or another. In elementary/high school, I was usually quiet and was considered pretty weird. I don't know why, I guess I was just too much into tech and being quiet at the time. Even though no one (to my knowledge) flat-out called me a weirdo, I go by that title today and, honestly, I consider myself pretty weird. One of those weird things is my inner voice.

It struck me as odd because, as common as they are, inner voices are considered strange by many. For me, I don't think mine's strange and is actually helpful probably 100% of the time.

Okay, for one, when I talk to myself, I usually do it from the perspective of an adult, a "mentor," or even as a father. My inner voice is one I look up to, someone that tells me off whenever I'm thinking of doing something dumb or brash. As far as I know, I'm a pretty emotional guy and I get swayed by my emotion. The "inside me" is still very childish, has a lot of wants, is very emotional, basically a kid inside. That's probably why my inner voice is kind of a father, also they probably took that role because I lacked a father or even an adult that's sensible, responsible, and reliable.

So I address myself as: "kid/s," "dude/s," "buddy," "man," "bro," and "son" by order of usage. These days, whenever I'm feeling lazy, I just say, "Come on, kids," "Come on, buddy," or "It must be done." I'm a pretty lazy person so when I hear either it's usually me making myself realize the responsibilities I have to do. Oddly enough, they always talk in English! For some weird reason, I don't like it when I talk to myself in my mother tongue. My theory is that the adults I had as a kid did a horrible job and they did so by using my mother language so, as a counter to that, my inner voice uses English. Pretty funny.

Thankfully, I don't berate myself and my inner voice is actually extremely kind and caring. They try their best to understand me, see how I'm struggling, see the responsibilities on my plate. Ultimately, that voice inside me arose because I lacked someone like that. In my life, I lacked a responsible, caring, brave, strong, sensible older figure that I can look up to and can make me believe in myself. I've always wanted to have someone help me up and give me motivation.

Unfortunately, my inner voice fails me whenever I'm talking to someone or whenever I'm interacting with people. They pop up in certain situations, but I only use my inner voice when I'm alone. They also fail when I'm extremely swayed with emotions, it's like I can't hear them or I forget to invoke them. But I know they'll always be there for me.

At the end of the day, my inner voice is still me. A "me" that I want to embody. They're the father I wish I had and the father I aspire to become. They're a coach, sometimes telling me, "You can do it, buddy," and a partner that helps me solve my problems.

If I'm a weirdo for having that, well, I'm proud to be one.