I'm mildly surprised at how I realized that I had one of my dreams in high school come true. I'm really tipsy, but I can still write (with okay-enough punctuation and grammar) so, while my thoughts are pretty "unrestrained," I guess I'll try to pen them down.
One of the things I've realized for a long time is how one of my high school dreams came true. And I really can't believe it.
When I was in high school, K-Pop was kind of a fairly niche thing. In a batch of 90-or-so people who are in the same year level as me, I believe I could only count the number of people who are K-Pop fans on my 2 hands. There are probably 7 or so of us. Even though we were only a few, I didn't really connect with any of them. Interestingly enough, I didn't connect much with the K-Pop fans from the upper and lower years either. It was usually me relegated to liking my own things and keeping it to myself.
In 2022, I made a wish for a meaningful struggle and, wow, it was kind of wish fulfillment on steroids. I literally was so happy I met someone who I immediately "clicked" with. By this point, I've talked to a lot of people. I've tried Tinder and Bumble way before the pandemic, I've tried several messaging apps, I often went out and met strangers. But I haven't found someone who I truly clicked with in less than a week.
Maybe it was a recipe for a too-fast-that-it-burned-out romance, but maybe it wasn't. Either way, I spent a lot of my time with that person.
One night last year after playing a horror game, we just watched K-Pop videos of one of our favorite girl groups. This was a group I adored and treasured so much in high school. I loved this group alone and, now, I was finally sharing a moment with someone I treasure as well. We were watching along as she was singing, I was singing along quietly. She was so tired that she slept while I was streaming the live performances. It was cute how she was able to sleep while I was on call with them again.
I'm happy that I got to share a lot of cute moments like this with that someone. It probably doesn't mean to them that much, but to me, it did. I've dreamt so long of meeting that person and, surprisingly, they were it.
Unfortunately, reality hits hard and it hits deep. Life isn't a perfect dream. They came into my life at a time where things were too complicated for "us" to start out. Maybe if we met earlier, we could've been a perfect couple. We would spend all of our days on call together, laugh and tease each other, and just share genuine happiness as we go along life.
But... that's what we already do. So, even if we met at a complicated time, we're still able to do all those things (and more!). Even though I guess it's hard, our situationship isn't really a thing, I'm still happy.
Part of me loves her truly and, regardless of how confused I am sometimes, I would be happier if she was by my side.